Entertainment/Gossip

X – Files from the village

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By Denis Wabuyi

Monday

“Khatoore khatoore

ooooh khatoore

khatoore khatoore

khafunikha hari pya”

The children sing during their PE. School is compulsory but there are those of us who cannot continue. When you ask a child and she says she has finished. It means that she stopped going to school.

Today Kaboole came back home and said he won’t be going back to school any more. His teacher beats and abuses him in class!

Tuesday

Kaboole meant it and he refused to go to school today. So we went with him to Manafa to graze cows. In the wilderness we met Wanditi who laughed at Kaboole for dropping out of school just because he was caned.

“If you want that teacher to stop beating you, place an onion in your armpits, once the teacher hits you like this, you will faint and he will stop.

From there, no teacher will ever cane you” he told him as we listened attentively. He said if you don’t use an onion, place a needle in your hair.

As we headed home in the evening after bull fights and peeping at girls, Kaboole was determined to go back to school with the new tactics at hand. We shall see!

Wednesday

We made sure that we get an onion and a needle for Kaboole. Armed with this defense, we asked him to provoke any teacher so that we test Wanditi’s tactics. Unfortunately, the stupid Kaboole could not provoke any teacher enough. What a loss. We have cautioned him to be more serious. He should make noise, ridicule the teacher, things like that.

Thursday

I can’t imagine Wotwali, the drunkard killing himself over 1000 shillings. He went to “Bituli bingi” as Nasila’s drinking joint is called to while away the day. After taking a full “khabawo” 200 mls of imandure, he asked for his balance but Nasiyata affirmed he had given her 500 shillings not 1000 as Wotwali claimed. An argument ensued that lasted over 30 minutes.

Apparently in anger Wotwali ran home home, drunk “ambush” insecticide then quietly came back and sat at Nasila’s drinking joint. Most people ignored him knowing he is drunk until he started kicking.

We tried all means to save him but in vain. Wotwali died in such a joking manner. What a disgraceful way for an old man to die. But we are lucky he has no children to suffer the embarrassment.

Friday

The Police surprisingly took the body of Wotwali that to investigate his death even after we told them everything that happened. We had already started digging the grave. We had to stop halfway.

To know that Kaboole is stupid, today he was caned just because he didn’t use the onion or needle as advised. The fool was caned for fighting in class. By the time the teacher got him, the onion /was in his school bagpill and he had no chance to rush back for the prescription.

The police returned the body in the evening and arrested Nasila.

Saturday

We hurriedly buried Wotwali without much ceremony. The relatives begged the church to bury him but the church leaders refused. Since his baptism, there was no evidence that Wotwali has ever been to church. He was buried and i can say disgracefully.

But he was not treated as other suicide victims especially those who hang themselves. After burial, almost all people left the home of the deceased to the close relatives.

Sunday

We have another prescription for Kaboole. If he wants to punish the teachers who cane him, he must pick the stick with which they used to cane him and put it into an anthill.

Once the termites eat part of the stick, the teacher’s hand will swell and he will stop caning children. Kaboole should stay in school.

Till then, we shall keep you updated>>>>>>>>

Denis is an accountant. He writes the X -Files every Thursday and writes business articles regularly.

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