Remind me, grandson, what was the day?
A Friday, grandpa, January 15, 2016
And you say it was a tea story?
No grandpa, I said it was on TV
Ooh, but did you say it was a primary debase?
Grandpa, a presidential debate
I see. And the old man who spoke big words, was who?
The judge, Justice James Ogoola, grandpa
Eeh, that one, did he really say the debase was the sin?
No, he said the debate was the thing
Did I also hear Mbirizi?
No, not Mbirizi grandpa, the name is Joseph Mabirizi
Ooh that one, okay, but did he really say he was adapted?
Mnh! That is what I heard, grandpa!
You are sure he didn’t say abducted?
For sure grandpa, he said adapted two times
And what did the lady Kyanwa say about women leaders?
Kyalya grandpa, Maureen Kyalya
Aah, never mind, but did she call them dummies, really? [Our hardworking mothers are like the display dummies!]
Hnh! That is what I heard grandpa
And that Amani (Amani?), what did he say about his stomach and God?
Grandpa! It is For God and My country! And the name is Amama Mbabazi,
But wait…grandpa, are you trying to mock him?
Ooh, him? Tell me, what was that he said about erections?
That he has never witnessed a stolen election since independence!
Hahaha, hihihi, hehehe, my ribs, my ribs
Never mind…but tell me, what did he say about serve houses?
Not serve, grandpa, he was talking about safe houses
And he wants to serve our goats macron and chips?
Microchips, grandpa, that was Abed Bwanika
And he also wants to empower them down there?
No, now that was Mabirizi. He was talking about women
And all the debasers don’t know oil papers?
Indeed grandpa, they don’t! But one wants to
take the oil to Kenya…
I see, but, why was one chair empty?
You mean the one for Museveni, grandpa?
Yes, he was my hero president when I was a young man
He is still the president, grandpa
No wonder he missed the debase!
The debate grandpa, DE-BA-TE.
But why miss the debase?
He said it was childish grandpa,
Did he mean childish or challenging?
I don’t know grandpa but he said it was for kids
Kids? You mean a young one of a goat?
Did I also hear him mention peace or pieces?
He was talking about peaceful elections, grandpa
Waw! I love fairy tales
Ignore me…and what is this man of eyes bringing
Ooh, you mean Kizza Besigye, grandpa?
Mmh, he means to bring us new walking sticks?
No grandpa, he talked about walking with swagger
What is it grandpa?
My friend, these eyes have seen, these ears have heard,
these hands have touched…enough, enough!
Are you okay grandpa?
My grandson, you are yet to see!
Rogers Atukunda, the author, is a writer and journalist.