Stella Nyanzi, a medical anthropologist at Makerere Institute of Social Research [MISR], is back.
This is what she has for you this time round:
When a condom expires because of staying too long in its packet, it is highly risky to use it, no matter how much you are consumed with the fires of love.
If one of your condoms has ever broken inside your lover’s enclave, you know how dangerous this is.
Just as you would dispose of expired condoms, please vote out this thirty-year-old presidential regime. It is expired! It is breaking apart inside Uganda.
When medicine expires, it is dangerous to use, no matter how effective it was during its period of freshness. The longer that medicine goes beyond its expiry date, the more poisonous it becomes to the human body.
Just as you would never ingest expired medicines because they once cured you effectively, please do not vote back the incumbent president simply because he was good in his first ten years.
His term as president is long over-due. It is now meaningless for him to continue ruling Uganda.
When an ovary grows old, it stops producing fertilisable eggs, no matter how reproductive it was in its prime years. No amount of sex can make a menopausal woman conceive from her own ova.
Just as you would not expect your grandmother’s grandmother to reproduce in your lifetime, please stop expecting any productive leadership or governance from president Yoweri Museveni.
Although he refuses to admit it to himself, and although his friends, families and sycophants do not love him enough to tell him, Museveni has ruled Uganda enough.
He is tired. Please vote for regime change in Uganda. Vote for Kizza Besigye. Besigye oyeeeeeee!
Museveni is tired
The incumbent is an old tired ragged bumboclatt. Thirty years of using the same filthy old cloth to serve Mother Uganda’s menses needs has resulted into acute haemorrhaging from several vital internal and external organs.
Don’t you see how severely soiled the incumbent is? This bumboclatt no longer serves any of its functions.The bumboclatt forgot its estate and thinks it only serves to bleed, disrupt and corrupt every internal state organ.
Rather than protecting Mother Uganda’s honour and dignity, this bumboclatt badly leaks morbid blood onto the landscape. The executive is bleeding profusely from megalomania. An over-sized parliament jammed to the brim with mostly dozing legislators bleeds into the statutes.
The judiciary and elections organs are bleeding from patronage and sycophancy. The public media and civil society are bleeding with fear of punishment, fines, arrests, detention and closure.
The markets and economy are severely bleeding for the masses of poor disillusioned Ugandans living in rural areas and the outskirts of the city-suburbs accommodating incumbent beneficiaries.
It is now meaningless for the bumboclatt to be called His Excellency. After thirty years in power, the incumbent is a haemorrhaging bumboclatt glued onto Uganda’s bumbo. The bumboclatt urgently needs changing! Vote for regime change! Uganda needs a president who will serve us before self. Kizza Besigye oyeeee!
Voting out the regime
One day, the children of Uganda will be proud of their heritage left behind by every voting citizen today.
Their contented teachers will teach them history lessons about the People’s President who changed the course of regime change when he was voted by the majority and ousted a thirty-year-old military regime.
In amazement, the children of Uganda will ask their history teachers why it took the nationals such a long time to redeem their land. And in the evening, my unborn grandchildren will ask me about the 2016 elections in Uganda.
I will be proud as I tell them about the coming weeks’ events. Oh God, please redeem our nation’s narrative. Let me tell my unborn grandchildren that Museveni only ruled us for thirty years, not thirty-five years.
One day, the university students of Uganda will write essays about the political history of our land. February 2016 will be a landmark sparkling bright amidst dark gloomy dates of presidential hand-over.
They will discuss the triumphant role of the voting masses who turned dirty stinking water into sweet potent wine for all adult Ugandans to drink.
They will passionately write philosophical essays about the power of the ballot, the salvation of meaningful adult suffrage, and the defeat of a rigging machinery.
My unborn grandchildren will come back to me to ask for my memories of the coming weeks. I want to be proud as I recall how Ugandans went en masse to vote for change.
I want to boldly show them the two-fingered sign of victory as I chant our FDC party-slogan of “One People, One Uganda”! Oh God, please restore Uganda’s pride and honour. Let me tell my unborn grandchildren about my role in the miraculous victory of the masses.
One day, this month will be talked about in the far distant past tense. Museveni will be long dead.
My bones will also be lying in a grave close to my father’s grave. I want my ghost to sleep soundly when February 2016 is discussed and debated. I am going to vote for the pride of the pearl of Africa. My vote counts.
I am going to be alert and involved in guarding my vote until the tallies are all computed. My vote is contributing to the change that will allow Uganda to thrive. Oh God, please do not take me to heaven before I vote for Kizza Besigye.
I want to be among the jubilant dancers wearing blue clothes, waving the two-finger sign and ululating for the People’s President.
People, my friends and enemies, let us vote for the restoration of Uganda’s honour. Let us vote for our children and their children. Vote for Kizza Besigye. Besigye oyeeeeeeee!
All views in the article belong to Dr Stella Nyanzi; she is an activist and writer